


Running

by Penndragon27



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Internalized Homophobia, Keith just wants to love him, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance Angst, Lance keeps running, Lots of Crying, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), or biphobia, poor lance, technically, why do I love to hurt him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 13:45:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13928343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/pseuds/Penndragon27
Summary: Basically Lance running from his problems and then into Keith’s arms.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, Lance!”

Lance looked over at Keith as they all stripped off their armour, having just gotten back from a grueling mission.

“Nice work today. If you keep that up, you might even be a real sharpshooter one day.”

Lance rolled his eyes, feeling happiness bloom in his chest at the compliment. He _had_ done a good job today, keeping his team safe as he shot down the advancing Galra, making a nearly impossible shot to close the doors and lock out their attackers.

“That day came and went, mullet. Although I must say, that was some sharp work, samurai.”

Keith’s face turned pink and he gave Lance a small smile. Lance felt his insides squirm and quickly shook it off. Must be some leftover adrenaline from the mission. He really needed a good night’s sleep.

_***_

_Lance groaned as his shot missed the training droid, close to throwing his bayard down in anger._

_“End training sequence.”_

_He jumped and turned at the voice, seeing Keith walking towards him in his workout clothes, hair tied back._

_“What are you doing here, mullet?”_

_“Same as you. Training.”_

_“Is there a reason you ended the sequence?”_

_Keith smirked as he stepped closer to Lance, heat radiating off him._

_“I just felt we’d be better off fighting each other. Hand to hand.”_

_Lance swallowed and stepped back, but put away his bayard to step into a fighting stance. Keith smiled at him as he got ready._

_They fought, ducking and blocking, moving in a careful dance, neither landing a blow yet. Then, in a stroke of luck, Lance managed to sweep Keith off his feet and pin him to the ground._

_“Ha! I won.”_

_Keith just smiled. “I don’t know. I don’t exactly feel like a loser right now.”_

_Lance became hyperaware of their position, him straddling Keith, hands pinning his wrists above his head. He tried to move back, but was frozen._

_“Well, you did beat me fair and square,” Keith’s smirk became devilish. “I guess it’s time for your prize.”_

_Before Lance could respond, Keith’s mouth was on his and they were kissing. Keith was kissing him. He was kissing him back. And he liked it. Keith’s lips were so soft and Lance leaned down, pressing closer to Keith and further pinning him to the ground. Keith let out a whimper and Lance moved down to press kisses down his jaw, down his beautiful neck that was on display with his hair tied back. He stopped at his collarbone and sucked at the skin, Keith making more delicious sounds. He didn’t know when he let go, but suddenly Keith’s hands were in his hair. Keith’s legs wrapped around his waist. Keith’s moans. Keith’s skin. Keith’s scent. Keith. Keith. Keith._

Lance’s eyes flew up and he jumped, promptly falling out of bed and landing on the floor.

“Fuck.”

His heart was racing. He was sweaty and shaking and his pants were feeling rather uncomfortable at the moment. He took a few steadying breaths before getting back into his bed.

_What the hell was that?_

It was nothing. Lance forced out a hoarse chuckle. It was just a dream. There was obviously a rational explanation.

This was a manifestation of his rivalry. He wanted to beat Keith, so in his dream he beat him in a fight. That was normal. That’s to be expected.

But then…

No. There had to be a psychological reason. Definitely nothing Freud related. No, it was just that he wanted Keith to respect him. To recognize his talents. To admire him.

Yea, that was it. He wanted Keith to see him as superior for once and his stupid subconscious took that wayyyy out of context.

Plus, it had been a while since he’d been with anyone, especially with the whole space thing, and his mind was just confused. Plus, Keith did have some girlish qualities with the long hair and his slight stature…

Yea. That was it.

Lance smiled softly. He was overreacting. There was no reason to think anything of this. It was just a stupid dream. Heck, he once dreamt about running away to become a professional rain dancer, but that didn’t mean anything. He didn’t even know how to rain dance. This was stupid. He was fine.


	2. Chapter 2

He was not fine.

He had another dream the next night of Keith actually talking to him at the Garrison.

Then they made out in Lance’s dorm.

Lance chalked that up to his desire for recognition.

He had two more dreams and in those, they went a bit farther than just kissing.

On the fifth morning of waking up in a cold sweat and annoyingly tight pants, Lance had a feeling something was wrong.

He took a long, cold shower before heading up to find Coran.

“Lance! How are you? Are you here to help clean the pods?”

“Um, not today, Coran.” Lance nervously rubbed the back of his neck. Coran looked at him with concern.

“Is everything alright?”

“Well… I have been having these dreams- well, nightmares really. I was just wondering if maybe there was something wrong… Maybe I ate some weird alien food or I’m under some druid spell.”

Coran frowned. “Hmm… I mean, I could do some scans, but it might just be the stress of everything that’s going on.”

Lance sagged in defeat. “A-are you sure?” He cursed himself at how small and weak his voice sounded.

“Lance, with all you’ve been through, nightmares and trouble sleeping are to be expected. You know, I’m always here if you want to talk-“

“No!” Coran winced at the sharpness in Lance’s voice and he immediately felt guilty. “I mean, I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about. I just wanted to make sure it was nothing serious. If there’s no danger to Voltron then I guess there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Lance…”

Lance hated the look of pity on Coran’s face and crossed his arms defensively.

“Well, that’s all, so I guess I’ll go now…”

He quickly turned and all but ran from the room.

***

That night Lance stood in his room glaring at his bed. It was perfectly made, hospital corners and all, just like his mama taught him, but to Lance it could’ve been made out of spikes for how much he wanted to lay on it.

He knew what would happen. He would lie down, go to sleep, dream of Keith, and wake up in a sweaty panic before taking a long cold shower.

 He sighed. Better to cut out the middle man.

He went to his bathroom and took a quick shower, erasing any tiredness, and went back to glaring at his bed.

This was ridiculous. He put on some workout clothes and went to the training deck. If he’s not going to sleep, might as well be useful.

He trained until he felt like he was going to collapse and, rather than face his room and all it reminded him of, he lay down on one of the benches and let himself give into exhaustion, falling into a sleep so deep he didn’t even dream.

He woke up two hours later; feeling better rested than he had in a while, and checked the castle time. He had a good hour before the others would start waking up so he quickly ran back to his room to change.

And so the pattern started.

***

Lance was starting to feel a little dead inside.

He was running on 2-4 hours of sleep every night, spending time either training or reading in the Altean library until he collapsed from exhaustion and fell into a dreamless sleep. He had managed to avoid dreams for a month now, but avoiding Keith was not as easy.

He had kept up his skincare routine, covering the bags under his eyes to avoid suspicion, but the team was starting to take notice of his increasingly vacant stares and his habit of dozing off in random places.

He was in the midst of one such doze when the cause of his torment entered the common room.

“Lance?”

Lance jerked awake, eyes wide and arms held up in defense as he took in his surroundings. He had been sitting on the couch when he had started nodding off, feet hanging over the arm rest and head nestled in the cushions. Keith was staring down at him, face flushed and sweaty, presumably from training.

Lance yelped and quickly moved away, putting as much space between him and Keith as possible. The red paladin frowned at him in concern.

“Uhh…you okay?”

Lance smiled, a little too widely. “Yep, great. Just taking a power nap. What’s up?”

“Nothing, really. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Lance ignored the jolt his heart gave and curled up in the corner of the couch, wrapping his arms around his knees defensively.

“Why would you care, mullet?”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “I mean… we’re teammates. I have to make sure you’re alright. We can’t exactly fight without you.”

Lance froze, staring at Keith with his mouth open. How the hell was he supposed to respond to that? Why wasn’t Keith picking a fight with him? This was uncharted territory.

“Um… right. Because you can’t form Voltron without Blue. Gotchu.”

Keith shrugged, face turning even redder.

“Well yea, but you’re also our sharpshooter.”

Lance nearly choked on air. Was this part of him and Keith becoming friends? Was he supposed to give him a compliment back? Why was his heart racing? Was he wary? Was Keith just messing with him?

“Oh, and Lance?”

Lance quickly looked up to meet Keith’s eyes, hoping he wouldn’t be able to see the fear in his own.

“You drool in your sleep.”

Lance sat there in shock as Keith left, trying to understand what the hell just happened.

***

Lance needed to train more. That’s what he needed.

He ran to the training deck and burst through the door to the training room.

He really shouldn’t have.

Shiro sat there, putting on his boots, right next to a very shirtless Keith.

A very shirtless and freshly showered Keith.

“Lance?” Keith looked at him in confusion and Lance opened his mouth to respond.

Unfortunately, he had just caught sight of a drop of water on Keith’s chest that decided to start rolling down and Lance’s eyes decided they should follow it as it went down, over his very cut abdomen and past his belly button and-

Lance snapped his eyes up. Keith was looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed, a hint of concern on his face. Shiro was looking at Lance with an unnerving look of realization on his face.

“I have to… yeah, I’ll just… kay, bye.”

And he bolted.

He finally slowed down when he reached Blue’s hangar and sat on her paw, face in his hands.

That had to be normal, right? There was a rational explanation. Maybe he was just jealous of Keith’s physique. Yea, that was normal. Or he was just curious. You know, of how he got that little scar just above his right hip.

Except Lance wouldn’t know about that. Because he wasn’t looking at Keith’s hip. Why would he look at Keith’s hip? That would be stupid. And gay.

And Lance was not gay.

“Lance?”

He jerked up and saw Shiro walking towards him, concern on his face.

“I thought I might find you here.” He sat next to Lance and gave him a small smile.

“So. Keith, huh?”

Lance’s eyes widened and he gaped at Shiro.

“What are you talking about?”

“Lance, it’s okay to like other paladins. We’re young, we’re in space…”

Lance jumped up and turned on Shiro.

“What the hell, Shiro? I thought you were smart. Why on earth would I like Keith, my lifetime rival?”

Shiro smiled. “Lance.”

“No, okay. It’s stupid. Keith is a guy. I am straight. There is no possible way for that to happen, in any lifetime.”

A look of understanding passed over Shiro’s face and he stood to put a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“Lance. This is perfectly normal. I know it might seem weird, but you can talk to me. Sexuality is a difficult subject, but-”

Lance pulled away. “No!”

“Lance-”

“No, okay. I am not into dudes. I am strictly boobs. I am not gay. I can’t be. It’s not a thing that can happen.”

“Lance, of course it can happen-”

“No, it can’t! It can’t because…” Lance trailed off and Shiro looked at him with such despair and pity and Lance hated it.

“I’m Catholic! I can’t be gay. I’m not.”

“You know, liking a guy doesn’t necessarily mean your gay. You could be bi or pan or-”

“Or nothing, Shiro. This is stupid. I don’t know where this is coming from but I can’t- I won’t-”

Lance broke off as angry tears came. He felt a lump in his throat and tried to talk through it, but failed. Shiro wrapped his arms around him.

“I know, Lance. I know. It’s okay.”

Lance sobbed into his chest. This was stupid. Why was he crying? Just because some dreams and a couple lingering glances messed with his mind?

Shiro rubbed his back and Lance longed for his mother’s hugs. He wished he were back home with his parents and his siblings and-

His parents. Sure, they were nice to everyone, but when it came to their own kids, they were protective. Very protective. Especially his abuelita, who had not been doing well since his abuelo passed away a couple years back.

Lance pushed Shiro away.

“Stop, okay? Just stop. I’m not fucking gay and I’m not into Keith. You are way off base. Just leave me alone!”

Shiro reached out to him, but Lance ran into Blue, letting her lock Shiro out.

Shiro sighed and finally decided to leave Lance alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Lance was wary when he arrived to lunch, feeling as though everyone could see into his mind, could see the dreams he’d been fighting, the thoughts he’d been pushing down. He slowly sank into his seat, feeling like all eyes were on him.

Pidge and Hunk were excitedly explaining a new development in their research to Allura and Coran as Lance pulled a bowl of food goo closer to him, staring at it like as though willing it to give him the answers to his problems.

He managed to get three bites down before he felt that unnerving watched feeling again. He looked up to see Shiro watching him concernedly, giving him a small smile. Lance felt fear settle in his stomach. Why was Shiro looking at him like that? What if someone saw and started thinking something was wrong with Lance? There was nothing wrong with Lance. He was just tired. He was fine.

He quickly looked around to make sure no one was suspicious and his gaze met Keith’s, who turned bright red and hastily turned away.

What was that? Did Keith know something? Had Shiro spoken to him? Lance looked over to their leader, who was quietly eating his food, occasionally glancing at Lance.

Shiro wouldn’t have told him anything, right? Sure, they were close, but they still had secrets from each other? Didn’t they? Even family didn’t tell each other everything. Lance tried to see if they might give anything away and saw them exchange a glance, Keith’s face still red.

Lance looked back at his food, thick and green in his bowl. He suddenly felt nauseous and pushed the bowl away.

“Um, I grabbed a snack earlier, so I’m not so hungry. I’m gonna go…train.”

Ignoring the shocked looks at him willingly doing extra training (if they only knew…), he left the room. He ran down the hall and turned a corner so he could lean against the wall.

Breathing hard, he put his head in his hands. He had to keep it together. His abuelo always taught him to always show happiness. Even if you weren’t happy, just smiling at someone could lift your spirits.

Lance sunk to the ground hugging his knees. He missed his abuelo. And the rest of his family. What would they say if they knew about what he was doing? What would they say if they knew about the thoughts creeping into his mind? Would they ever know? Would he ever see them again? His abuelita hadn’t been well when he left. He was planning on visiting during his next break. What did his family think when he didn’t show up? Would his abuelita be sad?

He felt his stomach twist unpleasantly. Was his abuelita still okay? Or was she with his abuelo, watching him struggle?

He wasn’t hungry at supper time either.

***

The next day, Lance was furiously shooting at droids on the training deck when a voice called out to end the simulation.

He quickly turned to see Keith walking towards him, face furrowed in confusion and… something else.

“When did you reach level twenty five?”

Lance gave a shrug, walking to the bench to grab a towel and wipe his face.

“Well, since your shooting has improved so much, want to practice some close range?”

Lance looked up at Keith, recognizing the competitive glint in his eye. A competition. That’s what they did. They were rivals, they fought. That was normal.

Lance smirked, feeling a strange lightness in his chest.

“Oh, you are so on, mullet.”

Keith smiled back and they both made their way to the mat, getting into their stances.

What Keith did not know, was that Lance had not limited his training to just shooting. He had practiced some hand to hand and was therefore able to hold his own against Keith, much longer than he usually could.

This clearly surprised Keith, and Lance used that shock to quickly sweep his legs out from underneath him and pin him down, one knee on his stomach and arms wrapped around his shoulders and neck, not tight enough to choke, but strong enough that he couldn’t escape.

Lance smiled as Keith tried to free himself, hands pulling at Lance’s arm. He did it. He beat Keith.

He almost laughed out loud. Maybe now his dreams would stop.

Finally, Keith tapped the ground in submission and Lance released him, getting up.

“What the hell, Lance? Where did that come from?”

“What’s wrong, mullet? Didn’t take you for a sore loser.”

Keith glared, face flushed in anger. “Let’s go again.”

Lance shrugged and got back into his stance. He was careful not to get too cocky. Keith was still better than him, but now he was angry. His anger was misguiding his instincts and soon Lance was able to pin him down again, this time kneeling over him, holding his wrists against the ground.

“Ha! I won.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and Lance froze at how much this mirrored his dream. Before Keith could respond, Lance jumped up and backed away quickly, eyes wide with fear. Keith sat up and tilted his head in confusion, anger leaving his face quickly, despite it still being red.

“Lance?”

“Um, Hunk wanted me to help with…”

And then he ran.


	4. Chapter 4

They were visiting a nearby planet for supplies and Lance couldn’t be happier. This was what he needed, a cute alien _girl_ to flirt with and maybe get a little action. All thoughts of Keith would be out of his mind for good. Maybe he could get a good night’s sleep for once.

Quiznak, he missed sleep.

Lance felt his eyes prickle with tiredness as the pod landed on the surface and struggled to look as calm as always. Shiro kept giving him concerned looks and Lance stubbornly looked away. He was fine.

“All right, gang,” Coran smiled at them all. “Allura’s expecting us back in one varga so let’s be quick. Hunk, you’re in charge of food. Pidge, you come with me to find the tech for the castles. Shiro, Keith, Lance… uh… just look around. See if there’s any important info to gather.”

They all nodded and headed to the nearby town before splitting up. Lance found it interesting, set up like an old fashioned bazaar, but he was distracted by the aliens.

They were of average height, with skin so pale it was almost blue. They had strange black markings around their faces and arms and wore shimmering tunics. They were beautiful.

Lance looked behind him to see Shiro and Keith looking at a swordsmith and quickly ditched them, heading to what looked like a tavern of some sort.

Inside, he quickly scouted his prospects. The aliens seemed to have two separate genders, some square and bulky while others were slender and delicate. One such delicate creature was sitting in the corner, looking forlornly into her empty glass. Lance approached her.

“Hey, don’t be upset. You never know when someone is falling in love with your smile.”

Lance gave her a small smile and she looked up at him in surprise, inky black hair falling out of its bun to frame her face.

“Oh! What are you?”

Lance winked and sat across from her.

“Name’s Lance. Just visiting for a bit and couldn’t help, but notice you. If this is how I feel about you now, I can only imagine what’ll happen when I see your smile.”

The alien couldn’t help it and let a grin spread across her face. Lance clutched his chest as though he’d been shot and she let out a tinkling laugh.

“Your words are very clever and very uplifting.”

Lance smiled brightly. “I’m glad. Someone as lovely as you should never be sad.”

The alien giggled and held out a hand. “My name is Shanaal.”

Lance took her hand and pressed his lips to the smooth skin.

“Unfortunately, I’m only here for a couple hours. Do you think you could show me the sights of the city?”

Shanaal smiled. “You have helped me, I shall give you my thanks. I will show you what’s worth seeing here.”

Before Lance could respond she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the tavern. He was dragged to the side of the building, away from prying eyes. She pulled him against her, her back against the wall, and brought their lips together.

Overcoming his shock, Lance put his hands on her waist and kissed back with fervour. Her hands trailed up to his neck, twirling her fingers in his hair.

This was perfect. He was kissing a girl (or whatever these alien species were) and he was enjoying it. He wasn’t even thinking about Keith and his muscles and his mullet.

Lance jerked his thoughts away and pressed Shanaal closer to him. He focused on her slender fingers in his hair, light and delicate. Keith’s fingers would be rough and forceful. He focused on her soft lips on his. Keith’s would be chapped from all the time he spent worrying them between his teeth.

Lance jerked back as though he’d been burned. Why was he thinking about Keith when he had a beautiful alien in his arms?

Shanaal looked at him in confusion.

“Are you not pleased with me?”

“What? No, no, you’re perfect. Just, needed to catch my breath, since you took it away.”

Lance smirked and Shanaal blushed, cheeks turning dark blue. He went in for another kiss, more forceful than the last. He nipped gently at her bottom lip and she moaned softly. He could do this. He just had to focus on her. He couldn’t mess up.

He felt her hands slip under his shirt, running over his abdomen and he smiled into the kiss. This was good. This was nice. He let his hands roam over her, taking in her soft curves and smooth skin.

She was beautiful. He should enjoy this. He _was_ enjoying this. This was right.

Then her hands went to the button on his pants and Lance thought: _Wrong!_

He pulled away as though burned, stepping back.

“Lance? Did I do something wrong? Is that not how your biology works?”

Lance looked at Shanaal with her concerned eyes and swollen lips. She was beautiful. Lance should want this, but all he wanted was to run away.

So he did.

He ran through the village and all the way back to the pod only to realize he couldn’t go back to the ship without the others. He had to wait.

Lance felt a bubble of panic in his chest. They would come back and see him like this, like a mess. He had to get it together. He ran behind a nearby tree and sat down, back against the trunk.

It was fine. He was fine.

He would be fine if he could remember how to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In. In. In. In.

Lance choked and felt the tears he’d been fighting spill. He sobbed into his knees and stayed like that for who knows how long, not thinking or contemplating, just crying until he couldn’t anymore.

He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to run away from beautiful aliens. He didn’t want to keep thinking about _Keith._ He didn’t want to be _here_ anymore. He just wanted to go home.

He wanted to be in his own house, wrapped up in his mother’s arms as she stroked his hair, telling him everything would be okay.

He wanted to sit at the end of his abuelita’s bed, telling her about his problems while she gave him sharp, direct answers. And she always had the right answers.

He even wanted his abuelo back. He was always the closest to him out of all of his siblings. He wanted to smell his cigars, see his smile. He wanted to complain to him like a whiny kid and have his abuelo crack jokes, making him smile no matter what was wrong.

And when he smiled, his abuelo would ruffle Lance’s hair and say, _“Just keep smiling_ papito _. Eventually, the rest of you will get the message.”_

When he had quieted down to little sniffles, he ran his hands through his hair.

He couldn’t worry about this now. The others would be back any moment now and he probably looked like a wreck. He furiously wiped away his tears and fanned his eyes, hoping they weren’t as red as they felt. He tried to get himself to smile.

He managed to pull himself together by the time the others came back, arms loaded down with supplies. Lance pulled up his hood, hoping to hide his face a bit, and stepped out to head towards them.

“Hey guys! Man, wasn’t this town awesome? Those aliens were gorgeous.”

The others rolled their eyes as they loaded the pod, but Shiro looked at Lance curiously.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Lance quickly turned away.

“Shotgun,” he called, stepping into the front seat. This way he wouldn’t have to deal with everyone in the back. And Shiro’s eagle eyes.

The ride back was quiet and as soon as they were in the castle Lance rushed out, heading for his room. He was almost there when a hand grabbed his arm.

He let out a yelp and turned to see Shiro dragging him. Somehow, he had a feeling this wouldn’t end the same way it had the last time he was dragged somewhere.

“Shiro! Let me go!”

The black paladin ignored him until they reached his room and pulled him inside. He put his hands on Lance’s shoulders and forced him to sit on the bed before pulling up a chair for himself. He looked at Lance expectantly.

“Well. Nice room, Shiro. Love the décor. Really screams ‘alien chic’.”

Shiro frowned and crossed his arms.

“Lance. Would you care to explain why your eyes are red and puffy?”

Lance cursed under his breath and carefully fixed his gaze on the wall behind Shiro. It was really interesting. Was that a crack or some dirt? Would he ever find out?

“Lance, are you okay?”

Lance took a deep breath.

“I am fine, Shiro. I just got some dust in my eyes.”

Shiro gave him a Look™ and Lance hugged his arms to his chest.

“It was nothing. Honestly.”

Shiro sighed and his gaze softened.

“Lance, I know you’re going through a tough time, but I want you to know that I care about you and you can tell me anything. Nobody will judge you.”

“There’s nothing to tell!” Lance heard his voice crack and felt the tears on the back of his eyes, returning with a vengeance.

Shiro looked at him with such sorrow that Lance couldn’t help it and broke down all over again. Shiro quickly got up and sat next to him, wrapping his arms around him and whispering to him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Everything will be all right.”

Lance sobbed into his chest, hugging him back and Shiro shifted them so they could lean against the wall more comfortably.

Finally, Lance was able to speak.

“I-I flirted with one of the aliens.”

Shiro smiled softly. “Of course, you did.”

“A-and we kissed.”

Shiro stroked Lance’s hair soothingly, waiting for him to continue.

“And the whole time,” Lance swallowed. “I kept comparing her to K-Keith.”

“Oh, Lance.”

“It’s not fair! She was beautiful! She was sweet! She liked me and I ran away from her like she was the fucking plague!”

Shiro tightened his arms around him as Lance sobbed into his chest.

“This is so s-stupid and it’s all that dumb mullet’s fault!”

“Lance-”

“No! I was doing just fine and then he came along, going around shirtless and putting his stupid hair in a ponytail and showing up in my dreams like goddammit!”

“Lance. This isn’t Keith’s fault.”

Lance clutched Shiro tighter and said in a small voice “I know. That’s why it’s not fair.”

Shiro looked down at the boy in his arms with such sadness and Lance felt like he was eight years old again, crying in his mother’s arms because the kids at school made fun of his accent.

“Lance, why don’t you talk this through? Why are you so against liking Keith?”

Lance pulled away from Shiro and looked at him like the answer was obvious. “He’s a _boy,_ Shiro. I’m straight.”

“Okay, but let’s say you aren’t. Would that really be so terrible?”

“Yes! I can’t like boys. I grew up in a Catholic household. I mean, I know other people are like that and I’d never treat them badly, but that’s- it’s just not something my family does. Like, some families don’t go to church and that’s okay, but my family does and we always will. It’s just… my dad and I bond over discussing girls. My mom can’t wait until I give her more grandkids. Liking boys… that’s not part of the plan. My abuelita would have a heart attack if she found out. If… if she’s still around.”

Shiro bit his lip. “Oh, Lance. I’m sure she’s fine and probably waiting for you to get back. Look, life never goes according to plan. I’m sure your parents love you and would accept you no matter what. And hey, lots of same-sex couples have kids so that’s one thing you don’t have to worry about.”

Lance willed his bottom lip to stop trembling. “I don’t think that’s what would happen, Shiro. My cousin… she came out as gay about a year before I left to the Garrison. None of the family has spoken to her since.”

“Oh, Lance.”

“I can’t like boys, Shiro. I- I can’t lose my family. I know we’re in space and I may never see them again, but that just makes it more important that I try to be someone they’d be proud of.”

“You’re already someone they would be proud of, Lance. Every day you fight to defend the universe. To defend your home. And wouldn’t they be proud of you for also fighting for what you believe in, for finding happiness.”

Lance didn’t answer, resting his back on Shiro’s shoulder and wishing for the damn tears to stop.

“Don’t you want to be happy?”

“Of course!”

“Well, if you never saw Keith again, would you be happy?”

“Of course not, but I feel that way about all of you.”

“If you and Keith never became as good of friends as you are now, would you be happy?”

“No, but that’s because he’s a good friend.”

“Do you feel happier when you see him, or when you see me?”

“I mean, I’ve spent more time with him.”

“Do you like spending time with him or with Allura more?”

“Well, it’s hard to actually bond with Allura that much.”

“If you were sad, would you rather go to him or to Hunk to talk?”

Lance froze. Hunk. He should say Hunk. Hunk was his best friend and he gave the best hugs. And yet, Keith was the one who was always up front with him, telling him like it is. He could trust that Keith would never lie to him and give him his honest opinion.

“I-”

“Do you deny that you feel infinitely happier when you see him? That you always think about him? That you like to spend time with him?”

“That’s- that’s-”

“Lance, I know this is hard for you, but you need to face the possibility that you might like guys too.”

“But… I can’t.”

“You can. It’s not the end of the world. Life will go on. Your parents will always love you, even if they may not like it. The important thing is that you be yourself and do what makes you happy because, goddammit Lance, you deserve it after all we’ve been through.”

Lance shrank against Shiro, feeling weak and so fucking tired.

“I- I don’t need Keith to be happy. It’s just the stupid dreams making me overreact. That has to be it.”

“Lance…”

“No, Shiro. That has to be it.”

Shiro sighed and rubbed soothing circles onto Lance’s back until he finally fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Lance sat up, rubbing his eyes. He yawned widely when the door suddenly slid open.

“Shiro, I have a prob-”

Keith froze at the sight of Lance. In Shiro’s room. In Shiro’s bed. Because he slept here. In Shiro’s bed. In Shiro’s room. Lance felt his face heat up.

“Lance.”                                                               

“Mullet.”

Lance sat uncomfortably as Keith’s face went through a multitude of colours, mouth struggling to form words.

“Y-you. A-and Shiro?” His voice squeaked near the end, face finally settling on white.

Lance looked at him in confusion before realization hit him and he jumped up.

“What? No! No, no, no, no, no. No. Like, no. No.”

Something like relief went through Keith’s face (probably at the fact that his arch rival wasn’t canoodling with his adoptive brother) and his face regained colour.

“Uh, why are you here?”

Lance’s mind raced to find a suitable explanation.

“Uh, I couldn’t sleep. Homesickness and whatever,” Lance mumbled, trying to look meek and afraid which, given the circumstances, wasn’t that hard.

“Oh. Sorry. Um, sorry. I just thought-”

Lance looked up harshly, feeling a rush of defiance.

“Seriously, mullet? Like I’d ever be into dudes.”

Hurt flashed across Keith’s face and Lance belatedly remembered that Keith had come out to them barely a month before. He was an idiot.

“Uh, not that I have a problem with those who are. Just, not me. I’m not. I don’t. But, others do. And that’s cool. It’s cool. It’s awesome. It’s fine. It’s good.”

Lance really wanted the floor to open and release him into space now.

Keith looked at him, face still upset and Lance felt immensely guilty.

“Look, I’m sorry Keith. I didn’t mean anything against you. Honestly, I don’t care that you’re, you know.”

Keith nodded slowly.

“Yea, I know,” his voice cracked. “Uh, I have to…um… find Shiro, so I’ll just…”

He quickly turned and ran out, leaving Lance to curse his stupidity.

***

Lance found Keith in the training room, angrily slashing at a dummy.

He took a deep breath before approaching him. Given the circumstances, he didn’t really want to spend time alone with Keith, but he wanted to make things right. He didn’t want Keith to be hurt by what he’d said, especially when they’d just started becoming friends.

Swallowing against his heart which had leapt into his throat, Lance smiled nervously before speaking.

“Sharp work, samurai.”

Keith jumped and whirled around before deactivating his bayard.

“What are you doing here?”

Ignoring the flip in his stomach at the fierce look in his eyes, Lance went on.

“Jeez, mullet. Didn’t know we weren’t allowed to train anymore.”

Keith rolled his eyes and glared at him. He really had to fix this.

“Look, I just wanted to make sure we’re okay. I really didn’t mean anything by what I said earlier and I… I really like being your friend.”

Keith’s eyes widened in shock before narrowing in suspicion.

“Y-you do?”

“Well… yeah. You may be a bit prickly, but I know you care, in your own emo way.”

Lance expected Keith to be offended at being called ‘emo’ but instead his face turned pink and he looked down nervously. Lance did not react to that at all. His hands were perfectly still. His mouth was not dry. Everything was fine.

“Well… I like being your friend too.”

Lance tried not to choke on air. It was surprisingly difficult.

He took a deep breath and smiled. He could do this.

“Aw, thanks mullet. How about we hang out?”

Keith looked up at him in confusion.

“You mean… spar?”

Lance rolled his eyes. “No, mullet. That’s not the only thing to do in the castle. I got Coran to fix the Altean pool so we can go swimming. We never really got to before.”

Keith turned nervous again, biting his lip and fidgeting. Lance dragged his eyes away from his mouth.

“I don’t know…”

“Ugh, come on, mullet.”

Lance grabbed Keith’s arm and pulled him out of the training room, ignoring how warm he was.

“Okay, go change into swim trunks and I’ll meet you down there, kay?”

Keith nodded slowly before heading down the hall.

***              

When Lance got down there, Keith was sitting on the edge, feet kicking gently in the water. Staying quiet, Lance rushed to the pool and jumped in, splashing Keith.

“Lance!”

Lance poked his head out, laughing loudly.

“Oh my gosh, Keith, you look like a drenched cat!”

Keith glared at him, hair plastered to his head. He did, indeed look like a drenched cat. An angry drenched cat.

“Oh, come on, mullet. You were going to get wet anyway. Come on, get in the water.”

All anger left Keith’s face and he fidget his fingers.

“I’m fine here for now.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Ugh, come on! I want to race you.”

Ignoring Keith’s protests, he grabbed his hands and pulled him into the water.

Big mistake.

Keith didn’t let go of Lance. Instead, he pulled himself closer and latched onto him. Lance froze, face flushing, feeling Keith’s legs wrapped around his waist, torso pressed against his side as his arms held onto his neck. Lance struggled to keep their heads above water, one hand treading water while the other instinctively went to hold Keith’s back.

“Keith! What the heck?”

“I can’t swim! I can’t swim, Lance!”

Lance looked down at where Keith’s face was buried in his neck and tried to ignore the feeling of having a warm and wet Keith pressed against him. How did one breathe again? He couldn’t really remember, given the circumstances.

“What? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because… I thought I would just… learn.”

“Oh my gosh, Keith. Do you not know how water works?”

Lance tried to move a bit and Keith clutched on tighter and Lance could feel where there skin touched, warm and soft. He could feel Keith’s breath on his neck and felt his heart beat faster. What the heck was happening to him? Was this how he died? He always knew the mullet would be the death of him.

“Look, I grew up in the desert. There wasn’t that much water around.”

“I can’t even with you right now.”

Lance managed to get them closer to the ledge and Keith looked up to glare at him. It was then that he became extremely aware of how close they were. He could see every colour in Keith’s ever changing eyes and the tiny freckle under his eye. His angry look didn’t have the same heat with Keith’s hair plastered around his face and his body latched around Lance like a koala. Instead, he looked kinda…

Cute.

Keith Kogane looked cute.

Lance could not deal with this right now.

He quickly moved to the ledge and detached Keith from his person, making sure he got a good grip on the ledge before pushing himself up.

“Uh… you good?”

Keith nodded before pulling himself up, face red and eyes not meeting Lance’s.

“Uh… good. I guess swimming wasn’t the best idea.”

Keith looked up. “Well, we could-“

“Uh, sorry for almost drowning you and… stuff,” Lance quickly interrupted. This was a terrible idea. Who thought of this? Right. He did. “I should go.”

Keith’s eyes widened. “What? You didn’t-”

“Yep. My bad. All my fault. Deeply sorry. You should learn to swim though. Bye.”

Ignoring his name being called, Lance left.


	6. Chapter 6

Lance made it all the way to the locker room before breaking down. His throat closed up and he struggled to breathe, gasping loudly as he bent down and held his knees.

What the hell just happened?

He basically cradled Keith in his arms. He thought Keith was cute. That is not straight stuff. That’s very not straight stuff. What was happening to him? He couldn’t… he didn’t want to…

Lance let out a shout as he swung a fist and punched the mirror over the sink.

The glass smashed and pain flared in his knuckles as they started to bleed. Lance let out a sob.

“What the heck was that?”

Lance froze at the voice and had all of two seconds before the door burst open and he was face to face Hunk.

“Lance?”                         

Lance opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was another choked sob. Hunk immediately stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him.

“Sshh, buddy. You’re okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

Lance was getting really sick of crying, and yet there he was, sobbing into his best friend’s shirt.

Hunk rubbed soothing circles into his back, ignoring the tears and blood getting all over his clothes.

When Lance was quieter, Hunk pulled back and sat him down on the bench before passing him some of the tissues he always kept on his person because Hunk was a pure being who should be kept safe at all costs.

“Aw, buddy. Let’s look at your hand.”

Lance looked at the floor as Hunk took his hand, determining the damage.

“Okay, I can’t really clean it hear because there’s a bunch of glass in the cut. You should probably head to Coran, see what he can do.”

Lance nodded and made to stand up, but Hunk held him back, sitting next to him.

“Not right now, you idiot. First you’re going to explain to me why you punched a goddamn mirror.”

Lance sniffled. “I… Something’s wrong.”

Hunk sighed. “No shit.”

“No, something’s wrong… with me.”

Hunk’s eyes softened and he put his arm around Lance so he could lean onto his comforting shoulder. God bless Hunk’s hugs.

“Lance… I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“But…” Lance’s voice cracked and he tried again. “But I… keep looking at Keith.”

Hunk nodded, urging him to continue.

“I… I dreamt about him. And I keep getting distracted by him. And…” Lance took a deep breath. “It’s just every time I look at him I get pains in my chest, and I just know it's his fault, that bitch!”

Hunk let out a laugh. “Okay, well you’re quoting. At least I know you’re feeling better.”

Lance gave a small smile. “Sometimes other people’s words are better.”

Hunk tightened his arm. “So, when are you going to explain why something is wrong with you?”

Lance pulled away and looked at him in shock. “I told you! I keep thinking about… about a b-boy! About Keith!”

Hunk looked at him sympathetically. “Lance. You know there’s nothing wrong with liking boys.”

“I mean, I know that it’s okay for other people. But I’m not- I can’t-” Lance tried to fight back another wave of tears. “I don’t want to.”

“I know, Lance. I know. But, trust me. There are way worse things. Tell me, is Keith a terrible person?”

“What? No!”

“Is he mean to you? Does he make you feel bad?”

“I mean… he’s not the nicest, but it’s all in good fun.”

“Is he ugly?”

“Pfft, it’s hard to compensate for that mullet, but I guess he’s okay.”

Hunk gave him a look. “So why is it so strange that you would like him? He seems like a pretty great person. You could do a lot worse.”

Lance was quiet, mulling it over.

“Look, I know you have a way of life. I know you always planned on ending up with a girl, but Keith is not a bad person. If you think you could be happy with him, you should be with him.”

“But…”

“Lance.” Lance met his eyes. “It’ll be okay. All that can come from you being with him is happiness.”

Lance let out a dry laugh. “Okay, hold your horses, buddy. Nobody said anything about being with him. He’s not exactly my biggest fan, even if I d-do like him.”

Hunk rolled his eyes. “Nope, I’m not dealing with this. Hopeless pining is another conversation. I don’t have any snacks on me.”

Lance laughed. “Thanks, Hunk.”

“Anytime, buddy,” Hunk hugged him again. “Now, please get your hand looked at. And don’t go punching any more mirrors.”

***

Lance walked down the hall with a freshly bandaged hand, thinking about his conversation with Hunk. He was right, Keith was pretty great. How could Lance _not_ like him?

Lance smiled to himself. He could deal with this. If he just silently appreciates Keith as a person, no harm could come, right?

Did this mean he was gay now? Or bi?

Lance bit his lip. How would he tell his family? Would he ever tell his family?

Deep in thought, his eyes were glued to the floor as he turned a corner and ran smack into the mullethead himself.

“Hey, watch where you’re- Lance?”

Lance jerked his head up, meeting his eyes. His really nice eyes. Oh gosh, this was not going to be fun.

“Oh, uh, hi Keith.”

“Hey. I was…uh,” Keith nervously rubbed the back of his neck, turning pink. Gosh, why did he keep doing that? It was not helping Lance’s gay crisis. Bi crisis. Whatever.

“I just wanted to… apologize.”

Lance looked at him in shock. “You? Apologize? Huh?” Oh my gosh, did he know about all the stress he had given Lance? Did he know about the dreams?

“Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew it wasn’t your fault. The pool thing. I should’ve told you I couldn’t swim.”

Lance let out a relieved laugh and ran a hand through his hair. “No problem, mullet. Just glad you’re okay.”

Keith frowned. “What happened to your hand?”

Lance froze. Crap. “My hand? Oh, I… uh… fell?”

He waited for Keith to brush him off, but instead he reached forward and grabbed his injured hand, pulling Lance closer.

“Geez, what did you do, punch a wall?”

“What? No!” It was a mirror. “Look, it’s fine. We defend the universe, injuries happen.”

Keith looked at him and Lance swallowed nervously, feeling his face heat up.

“Uhuh. So, you don’t blame yourself for what happened at the pool?”

He still hadn’t let go of his hand. Lance needed to breathe. He couldn’t breathe with Keith holding his hand and-

Oh my gosh, he was rubbing circles into his wrist with his thumb. What the hell?

Lance tried to respond, but all that came out was a stutter. Wow, Lance. Subtle.

Keith looked at him intently, as though searching his face for something. Whatever it was, he must have found it because his face softened and he smiled shyly. Damn, he was still cute.

“Lance...”

Lance opened his mouth to respond, but soon found it otherwise occupied. With Keith’s mouth. On his. Kissing him. Quite terribly, he might add.

Keith was eager and a little sloppy, furiously attacking Lance’s mouth with his lips and tongue.

Lance loved every second of it.

He tilted his head back a bit, trying to get Keith to slow down. He pressed soft kisses against Keith’s lips until he got the message and slowed down a bit. Lance smiled into the kiss, taking his bottom lip into his mouth to suck gently and Keith let out a moan.

What the fuck?

Lance quickly pulled away and took a step back, looking at Keith in fear.

“What the fuck?”

Keith turned bright red, looking like he was going to bolt at any second.

“I… uh, sorry. I just thought… you know.”

“You like me?”

Keith, if possible turned redder and glared at Lance.

“You kissed me back!”

He did. Oh, lord he did. Why did he do that? Lance felt his heart speed up and his throat close. Oh no, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe?

Keith, realizing Lance’s distress, looked at him in worry and tried to step closer. Lance held a hand up, forcing him back.

“No! No, stay there. You can’t. I can’t. Why did you do that? Oh god.”

Keith looked around, panicked, trying to figure out what to do. Lance tried to breathe.

“Lance? What’s happening? What do I do?”

Lance felt his eyes tearing up. Oh great. He wanted to run, but knew if he did he’d probably fall. He was feeling kind of dizzy and were the walls closing in? The walls were closing in. Who knew that actually happened?

“Lance?” Keith’s voice was so small and scared; it shocked Lance enough to take in a deep, wheezing breath.

“Y-you weren’t supposed to like me back.” Oh great, here came the tears.

“B-back? You like me?”

Lance let out a frustrated groan and tugged at his hair with his uninjured hand. “I don’t want to! I don’t want to like boys! I was supposed to be straight! And you ruined it!”

Now Keith was also tearing up, looking torn between wanting to run away and wrap up Lance in his arms.

“But… I- what?”

Lance sobbed. “You with your stupid mullet and your stupid smile and your stupid blushing and freaking grabbing me in the pool, like what the fuck was that? Why would you do that? Oh my gosh!”

“Lance, I’m sorry. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. You weren’t supposed to like me back. Nothing was supposed to happen!” Lance’s voice went small. “Why did you have to like me back?”

Keith gave a frustrated laugh. “How could I not? You’re so stupidly amazing, what else could I do?”

“Stop, please.”

“Lance, it’s okay to like boys. Please, I like you. I’ve liked you since I cradled you in my arms that first week in space. God, I love you so much.”

Lance froze and stared at Keith, who seemed to realize his slip up and looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up.

“Um, I mean…”

“Oh my gosh. My family will kill me. I f I survive this fucking war, my family will kill me. Or worse,” his voice cracked, “hate me.”

“L-Lance?”

Lance gave a frustrated yell. “No! I can’t do this. I won’t- I can’t. No, I can’t.”

Keith finally tried to reach out to him, but Lance ran away.


	7. Chapter 7

What Lance really wanted to do was sulk in his room for a week. Or a month. Or forever. Unfortunately, two days into his sulking the alarm went off due to a Galra fleet and they all had to go to their lions.

Keith kept trying to catch his eye, but Lance ignored him. He just had to stay away from Keith for the rest of time. Easy.

Fighting was a little sporadic. Any time Keith’s voice came on the com Lance would jump and jerk the controls. Lance tried not to speak at all, only giving short warnings and grunts of confirmation.

There were a bunch of fighters surrounding the main ship and the five of them flew about, trying to defeat as many as possible.

“Shiro, look out!”                

“Got it, Pidge!”

“Lance, behind you!”

“Thanks, Hunk!”

Things were going on steadily for a while, but then came Pidge’s shout.

“Hunk, your left!”

Hunk turned and used his claws to swat the ship away. Unfortunately, it flew right towards the red lion.

“Keith!” Lance’s shout sounded pained. Well, it should. He was in pain.

They waited for a good few moments before the com crackled.

“I’m okay. Red’s not responding, though.”

Lance felt his heart start beating again and Shiro let sighed in relief.

“Don’t worry, Keith. We’ll get you out of here.”

“Um, guys…” Pidge began nervously.

Lance looked over and watched in horror as the Galra cruiser began charging its ion cannon. The black lion flew towards it.

“I’ll try to take it out, everyone get out of the way!”

Hunk and Pidge flew away, but Keith’s lion was still dormant. And right in the line of fire.

Lance’s mind was a blur. All he knew was that he refused to live in a world without Keith. He refused to let him die.

Without hesitation, he flew forward and knocked Red out of the way as the ion cannon fired.

 _Keith;_ was his last thought.

***

Lance could smell the ocean. The salty breeze ruffled his hair and when he opened his eyes, he was sitting on the white beach of Varadero, looking at the clear water. The sun was warming his face and, for once, he felt at peace.

“You get your love of water from your abuelita. I never cared for it.”

Lance turned sharply, tears prickling his eyes and a smile spreading across your face.

“Your charming personality and good looks? That’s all me, _papito_.”

His abuelo smiled back at him before sitting next to him.

“You’re lucky this is all in your head or I’d be really mad at you for making me get sand all over my clothes.”

Lance felt the tears finally spill as he threw his arms around his abuelo, inhaling the scent of cigars and cologne. His abuelo hugged him back, chuckling softly.

“I’d like to say your emotional side is from your abuelita as well, but she’s not the one who cried through seven _tele novelas._ ”

Lance looked up to see tears in his abuelo’s eyes as well and gave a small laugh before frowning.

“Is she...?”

His abuelo laughed. “No, no, don’t worry, _querido._ We had a bet on how long we’d last and she’s not one to lose easily.”

Lance gave a watery chuckle, pulling back a bit to wipe his eyes. His abuelo sighed.

“ _Mi pobrecito nieto._ How much you had to go through.”

Lance swallowed. “Are- is everyone okay? Back home?”

His abuelo smiled. “Yes, _querido_ , don’t worry. They miss you, but they are okay.”

“Do they- do they think I’m dead?”

“Some do. Some are not so quick to give up.”

Lance gave a small smile before biting his lip nervously.

“Are you… mad at me?”

His abuelo scoffed. “Why on earth would I be mad, _idiota_?”

“Because… because I think… because I am in love with a boy.”

His abuelo rolled his eyes. “ _¿Por qué mi nieto es tan estúpido?_ You are my family, my blood. Why would I be mad at you for falling in love? Do you think so little of me?”

“No! I just… it’s against God and-”

“Lejandro, _mi corazón, mi campeón,_ as much as I love you, don’t be so _estúpida._ God says to love everyone, especially your family. I understand that times are different now. We don’t stone people for cheating anymore; I think we can manage not to banish our grandchildren for being in love.”

Lance felt a new wave of tears. “Do you think… everyone else would be okay with it? When Anita came out…”

“When Anita came out, our family overreacted and lived with that regret ever since. That is why her parents came running to yours, begging for help to find her and make things right.”

“R-really?”

“Yes, _estúpido._ They just needed time. And when you tell them, they’ll already be so proud and so happy to have you home, I doubt they would care that you’re dating a boy.”

“What if… I don’t make it home?”

“Well, you won’t lack for company, I can tell you that.”

Lance gave a weak laugh. “Is it- is it my time?”

“That, _mi_ _campeón_ , is up to you.”

Lance frowned. “I never got to tell Keith how I feel.”

“I’m sure he knows, _mi corazón_. You did save his life.”

“I know I’m needed for Voltron, but I’m also so tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“I know. You’ve done so much.”

Lance held his abuelo tighter, trying to ingrain everything about him into his mind.

“I don’t want any of this. I just want to go home.”

“ _Ay, mi pobrecito nieto._ Then go home.”

So Lance did.


	8. Chapter 8

Waiting for Lance to come out of the healing pod was frustrating, to say the least. Keith paced in front, stopping every now and then to check on his vitals and look at Lance’s peaceful face.

Keith had watched the ion cannon, expecting to get hit, only to suddenly get knocked aside. Then he had to watch in horror as Lance was hit, had to listen to his cry of pain on the com. Then, silence.

Shiro took out the cannon which allowed them the chance to get back to the castle, Black carrying Blue and Yellow carrying Red. Everyone immediately rushed to get Lance.

It was so bad.                    

The force had knocked him right of his seat and he lay slumped against the wall, bruised and bleeding so much it was hard to tell where the wounds were. He was barely breathing, though, and they rushed him to a pod.

Now all they could do was wait.

Keith knew he should go to sleep or something, but once Coran fixed up his wounds (minor, thanks to Lance) he planted himself in front of the blue paladin and watched him vigilantly.

Lance had saved him. Lance had almost died saving him.

…Lance liked him.

Keith wanted to cry. He didn’t though. He refused to. Lance liked him back, but he still rejected him. Because he was a boy.

Keith turned back to Lance and pressed his hand against it, willing it to open. Keith loved the idiot so much and Lance had run away. Crying. Keith had made him cry.

Well, now Lance was making Keith cry, so guess they were even.

Keith stood there for however long, enjoying the chance to take in every line of Lance’s face, committing it to memory. Gosh, he wanted to kiss him again. He could still feel Lance’s lips on his, soft and warm, teeth hesitantly nipping…

Keith felt his face heat up. He was just so confused! They liked each other. They kissed. That usually meant they should be together.

But no. Lance was so horrified at the thought of liking Keith he ran away.

But he’d also saved his life.

Keith let out a shout of frustration, stopping short when the pod started beeping loudly.

He looked up, expecting the pod to open, but instead it was the screen flashing, as though in warning. Keith raced to the intercom.

“Coran! Anyone! Something’s wrong with Lance!”

Keith stood there helplessly until Coran and Shiro ran in, panicked. Keith felt the tears finally come.

“It started beeping and flashing and- and-”

He broke off as Coran quickly checked the screen, brows furrowed in concern.

“There’s some foreign matter in his wounds. The pod is going to heal over them. We’ll need to remove them manually. Shiro, help me get him out of the pod!”

Shiro sprang into action. Keith wanted to help, but also didn’t know what to do. He could only watch as they took Lance out, his face pale and lifeless, and placed him on the nearby table.

“W-will he be okay?”

Coran immediately set to work, tearing at Lance’s suit to get a better look at his wounds.

“I need both of you to wait outside. I’m going to need to operate.”

Shiro nodded grimly, but Keith couldn’t move.

“No! I don’t want to leave him! I can’t! Please!”

Coran looked at him, pained. “Shiro…”

Shiro grabbed Keith and pulled him out of the room. Once outside Keith pressed against Shiro and cried.

“I don’t want to lose him! I- I can’t lose him!”

“Sshh, I know. I know. He’ll be okay.”

“What if- what if he’s not?”

Shiro rubbed Keith’s back soothingly and sighed.

“I don’t know.”

Shiro’s voice was small and when Keith looked up he saw tears in his eyes. Right. He wasn’t the only one who’d be losing Lance.

“I don’t want to be without him.”

Shiro gave him a sad smile. “I know.”

“I… I kissed him. A couple days ago.”

Shiro raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh?”

“He- he kissed me back. I was so happy, Shiro. I love him so much. But… then he ran away.”

Shiro looked a little disappointed. “Oh.”

“He said he liked me! He likes me, but he still didn’t want to be with me! I- I made him cry, Shiro! He was so against being with me, I just don’t get! If he likes me, why did he hurt me? Why did he save me?”

Shiro sighed and pulled Keith down so they could sit, leaning against the wall.

“Lance… was going through a rough time. For a while now.”

Keith frowned, stomach twisting unpleasantly. “Is that why he was missing meals? And was always so tired?”

Shiro nodded. “I can’t tell you everything, as it’s between me and him, but he was… not as ready to accept liking guys as others are.”

Keith pondered that for a while before coming to a realization. “Is that why he was in your bed that morning?”

Shiro turned pink. “Uh… yea. I… didn’t know you knew about that.”

“Oh my gosh, I thought you guys were a thing!”

Shiro let out a sharp laugh. “No, he mainly just talked about you the whole time.”

Keith blushed and tried to fight a smile. “Me? Really?”

“Yep. He does like you, Keith. A lot. He just… needs to come to terms with that. He needs time.”

Keith sighed. “Will he… get time?”

Some tears finally escaped Shiro’s eyes as he answered. “I hope so.”

They sat for a while before Shiro stood up, pulling Keith with him. “Come on, we’re no use like this. You need to get some rest and I need to go talk with Allura.”

Keith looked back at the door to the med bay. “How long-”

He was cut off by the door opening, Coran walking out, not surprised to find them there. Keith immediately turned on him.

“Is he okay? What happened?”

“He’s… stable. I managed to remove the pieces from the wounds, but… there’s a lot of damage. The healing pod healed over some bits of metal and I had to cut them out, which will lengthen the process. He’s back in a pod, but… it’s up to him now. There’s only so much we can do.”

Coran’s voice broke off and he looked away sadly. Keith willed away his tears.

“He’s strong. He’s going to make it.”

“I hope so, young paladin. I hope so.”

The three of them stood there, thinking, before Coran suddenly clasped his hands together.

“Well, I should go update the Princess on what’s happening. I’m connected to the pod’s data so I can monitor him from afar.”

“I’ll come with you. I need to speak to Allura, too.”

Shiro and Coran left. Keith stood there for a while, debating whether he should check on Lance or not.

Swallowing, he turned and headed to the kitchen for food.

***

That evening, Keith stood outside the door to his room. He didn’t want to go in, to lay on his bed thinking about Lance. Worrying about Lance.

He sighed. He promised Shiro he would get some sleep, but all he wanted was to go check on Lance.

He looked down the hall, as though expecting the blue paladin to come walking down it, heading towards Keith with a smile and a joke at the ready.

But he didn’t. The hall remained dark and empty.

Suddenly, Keith turned and walked down the hall before stopping in front of Lance’s room. Lance wasn’t there, so surely he wouldn’t mind if Keith took a quick nap there, in his bed, wrapped up in his scent.

Without a second thought, Keith entered the room and looked around. His blue lion slippers were by his bed, the video game system was set up in the middle, taking over most of the room.

He walked over to the bed and couldn’t help but notice how it didn’t look like it had been slept in recently. He remembered what Shiro had said and how Lance could usually be found napping in random places recently. Was it all because of Keith?

Cautiously, he pulled back the covers and lay down. The sheets still smelled like him. Like shampoo and lotion and whatever was in his face masks. Keith inhaled deeply, finally feeling the exhaustion of the day. Smiling slightly, Keith fell asleep.

***

He was awoken abruptly the next morning from some of the best sleep he’d ever had by Coran’s voice on the PA.

“Paladins! Paladins! Convene in the med bay immediately! It’s Lance!”

Keith jumped up and out of bed, stubbing his toe on the gaming console in his rush out of the room.

Lance! Was he okay? Coran’s voice had just sounded loud or urgent. Keith hadn’t processed whether it was good or bad. His thoughts raced as he ran through the castle.

He entered the med bay to see the others already there. Allura and Coran were standing over the screen, whispering in Altean. Pidge and Hunk were looking across the room, tears in their eyes. Keith followed their gaze to see Shiro, standing by the pod and holding up…

“Lance!”


	9. Chapter 9

There were so many colours and Lance couldn’t tell whether his eyes were opened or closed. He felt numb, yet nauseous at the same time. Where was he? What happened? What was that buzzing noise?

Slowly, the colours separated and started to form shapes and the buzzing discerned itself as voices. He suddenly felt very cold and was then falling forward.

“Whoa there, paladin!”

He blinked slowly as he registered his surroundings. He was in the med bay, leaning on Coran. Shiro stood on his other side, arms crossed. Hunk and Pidge were there too, looking like they were waiting for the okay to hug the living daylights out of him. He mentally thanked them for their restraint.

The door opened again and Allura entered, face brightening at the sight of him.

“Lance! We’re all so glad you’re okay!”

“Me too, princess. Me too.” His voice was hoarse and his throat felt like it was full of sand. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what happened. The battle. The cannon. Keith. His abuelo.

He opened his eyes. “Is… everyone okay?”

Shiro gave him a smile. “Yes, thanks to you. How are you feeling?”

Lance gave a shrug and tried to stand on his own, Coran moving to discuss something with Allura.

“Oh, you know. Kinda terrible.”

The others laughed and Lance tried to take a step forward. He did not succeed.

“Whoa there!”

Shiro caught him and propped him up against his shoulder.

“You good?”                                          

“Uhuh. Just, trying to remember how legs work. One in front of the other, right?”

Shiro’s smile brightened. “Yes, Lance. Glad to see you’re feeling like yourself again.”

“Sorta. I ache, like, everywhere. And feel weird. Am I supposed to feel weird?”

Shiro opened his mouth to answer, but the door opened again and Keith came in, eyes wide and frantic. He looked around the room before meeting Lance’s gaze.

“Lance!”

“Sup, mullet. How are you feeling?”

Keith ran forward, looking as though he was going to either punch Lance or hug him.

“Whoa there, buddy,” Lance held up a hand and Keith stopped in front of him, frowning. “Still sore. Let’s be cautious.” His voice was still rough and he coughed to try and clear it. Shiro furrowed his brows.

“Let’s get you some water. And food. Then you can go to your room and rest.”

Lance nodded before looking confusedly at Keith, who had suddenly turned pink.

“Sounds good. Nothing like food goo in the morning.” Lance smiled and Shiro helped him forward.

Seeing them struggle, Keith stepped forward and grabbed Lance’s other side, arm warm around him. Man, he was glad Keith was okay.

His mind drifted off as they walked, thinking back to when he was unconscious and spoke to his abuelo. Was that all real? It felt real. He glanced at Keith. He hoped it was real.

They entered the kitchen and Hunk immediately ran about, setting everything up.

“Okay, bud. I know you’re sore, but know I’m sending you, like, all the mental hugs. Also, I didn’t want you to be stuck with food goo if- when you woke up, so I have an epic meal for you.”

Lance smiled as he sank into a seat. “Aw, bro.”

“Bro.”

“Brooo.”

They laughed, but Lance saw Hunk wipe away some tears. He frowned.

“So like… what all happened? I remember the battle, sort of. The ion cannon charged.”

“You saved my life.”

Lance looked to his left where Keith was looking down nervously, face pink. Gosh, he was still cute.

Guess that whole ‘liking Keith’ thing was still a thing. Good to know.

“Well… we’re teammates. I have to make sure you’re alright. We can’t exactly fight without you.”

Keith finally looked up and Lance gave him a small smile. Keith shyly smiled back.

“Besides, you’re also our samurai.”

***

After the (delicious, thank you Hunk) meal, Keith offered to help Lance back to his room. Lance was feeling better, but accepted anyway. They needed to talk.

Well, they needed to, but they didn’t. They walked in silence before stopping in front of Lance’s room.

“Well, this is my stop.”

Keith avoided his gaze. “Yea…”

Lance took a deep breath. He could do this.

“Do you… uh, want to come in?”

Keith’s head jerked up, eyes wide.

“Huh?”

“You know, just to… hang out. And… talk, I guess.”

Keith’s face turned bright red and he nodded quickly. Lance gave a small smile and opened the door. His room was just as he left it, except-

“Hey, wasn’t my bed made?”

Keith suddenly looked scared, blush spreading to his ears as he looked around quickly, as though looking for an escape. Lance narrowed his eyes.

“Keith.”

“Uhh… yea?”

“Did you sleep in my bed?”

“What? I didn’t- I mean-”

Keith, seeming to realize his obviousness, gave up. “Look, you were dying and my room was cold and you know what, you already know I like you, so I’m just gonna say it: Your bed smells nice!”

Lance smiled fondly at Keith’s babbling. For once, he felt no fear over thinking that Keith was cute. In that moment in the battle, faced with the chance of losing Keith forever, there was no denying it.

“I love you.”

Keith let out a squeak. “Huh- whaa?”

Lance stepped closer to Keith, biting his lip nervously.

“In the battle. The cannon was aiming at you. I knew I couldn’t lose you. I knew then that I don’t want to live without you.”

Keith looked down nervously, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t want to live without you either, idiot. You could’ve died.”

“I nearly did.”

Keith looked up, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.

“I… I saw my abuelo. He passed away a while back, but we were close. I- I got to talk to him. Figure some things out. He asked me whether I wanted to move on or go back.”

Keith’s lip trembled. “W-what did you say?”

“I told him I wanted to go home.”

Keith’s brow furrowed. “Home?”

Lance moved closer. “Home.”

And then he kissed him.


End file.
